Choose kind over cool.

 

Yesterday I watched a new post by Matthew Hussey on first date tips: how to impress a guy on a first date. I like Matthew Hussey’s stuff. If you get over the sales pitch at the end of very video then all in all he’s great. I’ve read his books and at one point even subscribed to his (expensive) program.

In this dating tips video he explains how important it is to make a first impression and one of those tips is “be kind to those around you”.

Seems like common sense doesn’t it? I feel like I’m always friendly to hospitality staff, maybe because I use to be one – I’m not sure. But it costs nothing to smile, say please, thank you, ask someone where they are from (in Dubai this is a nice question to ask to make conversation with a stranger) or how there day is.

His dating tip reminded me of one of the most disastrous dates I’ve ever had, actually  so bad that I had chosen to erase it from my memory until I watched Matthew’s video yesterday.

Small Man Syndrome Date

In Dubai as we know, it’s all about showing off and even though I couldn’t care less, this guy insisted on meeting at Zuma. He greets me warmly, we order drinks and sushi but he is quite an intense person. Most of the conversation was about his ex girlfriend (red flag). I noticed in real life he looked way shorter then he did in his pictures. Insert: SMALL MAN SYNDROME  For the record – height doesn’t bother me like other women, but when they are egotistical, arrogant asses in order to substitute for their lack of height… well this bothers me. He started to get into a bit of a tantrum about the AC on him. Yep – The AC. He was flaring his arms and going up to the fan to try and turn it away, it was really causing a scene in a what is a very busy and sophisticated after work bar (well it is Zuma so come on little man you need to chill).

The waitress serves him the sushi then he starts yelling at her about the AC. I thought he was joking so I was kind of laughing it off until I realized he was deadly serious about this AC, she said she would go and find someone to move it away for him. She was lovely actually but he was getting more and more angry at HER about the damn AC.

She comes over and says “Sir it’s set to a particular temperature as it’s a large area we need to keep cool, if I can find you another seat I will move you straight away. How was your sushi?” 

He puts his hand in her face and says “stop talking and get away from me”. I said in front of her, come on don’t say that. She tried to keep reasoning with him, I think she really felt worried for her job as he is insisting on her to call for the manager. He still had his hand in her face, she looks at me with kind of desperate look about her and I shook my head (sort of a I don’t know him shake). She leaves and goes to get her manager. Poor girl.

He leaves in a tantrum and says I’m going to stand outside to warm up/take this phone call /whatever/who cares. I called her over and said – listen don’t even bother, he’s being a child and this has nothing to do with you, this is the first time I’m meeting him and the way he’s talking to you is unacceptable. I never want to see him again. It’s not your fault and I can talk to the manager if you like. She then said to me, “I’ve had the worst the day, he just added to my horrible day and I did just go and cry. Not about him but you know, just one of those days”. 

Man that upset me. This little man child tantrum thrower was so rude and obnoxious to this poor woman that whatever she was dealing with that day was so bad that he tipped it over the edge enough for her to cry.

I waited for him to get back and asked him why he took out his frustrations on this girl. Was it to impress me? Was it because of something else you were going through that day? Why would you think this behavior was okay? He kind of listened, apologized to me (not her) and we continued until he finished his damn sushi. He went on more about his ex girlfriend (yawn) and finally said he wanted to leave to check out a DJ he liked at a crap club up the road. I said, I’m okay I’m going to call it a night, thank you for the drink.

He offered to drop me home / at least in the area of his club, all the while saying ‘this isn’t my car by the way its a replacement as my BMW/AUDI/MERC (whatever the hell he’s pretending he was driving) was in the shop‘. I said It’s fine mate I have a Nissan“. 

Eh. Goodbye and good riddance weird little man. Makeup and outfit wasted.

The way people treat strangers, says so much for their character. This was to the extreme, but  if your date doesn’t say please, thank you and have basic manners – this is a massive red flag – and get out while you can. Also just be kind always – you don’t know what someone is going through and you being mean or rude could be the line that makes their day go from bad to worse. Don’t be that person 😦

IMG_5861

 

Peachy Keen Makeup: I love orange eyeshadow, here I’m using orange by MAC. The lipstick I chose a nude as I feel the orange makes my lips look smaller. Lashes and Black eyeliner. MAC blush in pink so it’s around the same colour tones.

organgemac

Top: Primark bodysuit

 

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Stop looking for the right person and be the right person.

I’m writing this on Easter Sunday. And I’ve noticed as the weekend started to approach, at least least three guys I know that have once told me they don’t want a relationship anytime soon, all having Baecations and their girl proudly photographed all over their Instagram. I noticed the same around Christmas and New Year with another lot of self profound ‘players’. So I do truly hope it’s not a holiday coincidence and these men actually manned up to realize what beautiful women they have in their lives.  But anyway, time will tell.

The conversations these guys once had with me is  “I’m not really looking for a relationship, I don’t see myself with anyone just yet, I’m happily single (and probably breaking girls hearts along their player ways), I don’t have time, focusing on my career” etc etc.

It just shows it doesn’t matter what an amazing woman you are, and what to offer in a relationship – you really will never be enough for a man who just doesn’t see himself with you, or willing to change his ways for you. Sometimes it just takes the right person to come along to make these men realize what they have and then they change their tune real quick.

I’ve had friends who’ve dated men that have said they never want to get married,  then after a few years, break up and find out the guy’s met a girl, got married, having babies.

I was talking to my personal trainer the other day about this blog post’s subject and she was saying the same about her husband. When they met, he outright told her he’s happy being single and won’t be changing that anytime soon, he never wants to get married – he’s wants to live with his mum for the next few years and just be a player. And now – well – he’s her husband.

I had long and serious relationships with two guys in Dubai, who I loved very much. Who I gave my all into the relationship, stayed loyal and most importantly supported their dreams and goals – only to be left broken at the end because inevitably they didn’t want to go the next step… ah mate okay do you think you could have figured that out 2 years ago?  They both moved on into their next relationships and I’m left wondering what I did wrong for the relationship to go so sideways.

And that’s just it. I did nothing wrong. I actually did too much. Don’t be a wife to a boyfriend. Tell yourself that really you will NEVER be enough for a man who isn’t ready. You can’t talk a man into changing his ways – if he wants to he will. Some of us have the happy ending and some of us need to cut our losses on wasting wife material on the boyfriends and find the men that want to step up as our partner.

And it just brings it back to my last blog post: take care of yourself, believe the person you’re suppose to be with is out there, give your husband wishlist to god and let him do the work,  fall in love with your life and yourself all over again… and just have vacations with your girls or on your own, until someone is lucky enough to come along.

Happy Easter Singles 🙂

 

 

Gucci Hucci Shirt: Culture Kings Women 

Simple Makeup: Sportsgirl nude lipstick (barely there) | lashes | Brown eyeliner Maybelline |Fenty Beauty skin.

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Life’s big and small detours 

 

Detours and shakeups gives us a second chance to refocus and find out those who matter the most in this world and that all starts with you.

Happiness is a difficult thing, you want it for yourself so badly but no one tells you that it’s easy, you just have to break it down.

Health – this is super important and only takes 21 days to get into a habit. I need to learn to follow my advice on this one. Gym and eating well, no drinking! Will come back to you in a few months if I’m on the right track.

Positive thinking – that means be around positivity and positive people, read books and watch YouTube videos (it’s free!), talk to friends that make you feel better, get up early and get moving.

Appearance – ok this is I think the most important thing. Get up and make an effort in what you look like, wear heels, put on your makeup, smooth your hair out and really take pride in your beautiful face. Take photos, make memories.

No one can take the above from you – life detours won’t change the situation – But I’m stronger from it all, and these are just the surface of what we are all faced with.

Start over my darling. It’s never too late.


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Enhancing not changing (makeup & men) 

I’ve learnt the hard way, falling for words and sometimes actions, ambition (which is very important) without finding out their plan B if that ambition fails.

Don’t fall for the lust without interpreting the bigger picture of this man in front of you. You can’t change someone and as much as you love their ambition, how realistic will their dreams come to fruition and how much support (sometimes funding) from you is needed?

Don’t get me wrong you can invest and fall in love with a broke man that has ambition, goals and a very straight out plan to get there – maybe he’s studying, or investing in something new, an up and coming artist or he’s just starting his own business out and it will be a few years of struggling but with a wonderful outcome of reward and you’ve been standing next to him this whole time.

But it comes to a point now I’m filtering men, dates and potiental love interests so that I never waste my time (or money) again.

There is a difference between supporting and funding and enhancing but not changing. And I can’t take on any “projects” at this time in my life. I want to find my one, who we support one and other equally and set out plans together and have all that future in common with each other.

First: Makeup Enhancing not Changing

Simply lots of mascara, light shades on the eyes to appear brighter and bigger. This is pink shades from TooFaced Holiday Chocolate Shop Palette.  Huda Beauty Lip Kit – Trophy Wife

Top: Nike sold on Namshi


Back to this sorting through to find Mr Right: Be ambitious, have a plan, hey you can even be joke broke. But if I don’t believe in your goals and you’ve got no definite life plan to success –  then I can’t afford any money or energy on you while we date and fall in love. You can’t use me for a little bit of money here and there and get comfortable being with an independent woman who confuses supporting you with funding you. Cause as it’s happened before, while he’s struggling and you are supporting, he gets comfortable and then the timeframe of success slowly starts to go but for me – it’s too late I’ve fallen in love with him and his “future” dreams.

By the first date you can figure out all the above without getting to ahead of yourself. Think with your head before your heart. If this person needs changing and a lot of investment (time, energy, money) in order to grow and get to his goals – then he’s not the man for you.

Oh and buying me a drink doesn’t justify you get anything in return – kiss, going home with you, touching me, a second date, nothing. That’s another post though – if there is no chemistry then it’s ok to take the drink and say goodnight.

Bring something to the table or I’m very happy to eat alone.

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Dating in Dubai – Don’t waste my makeup!  

Another lesson I learnt from dating in Dubai and I guess this applies to any city in the world. You will always come across these men who don’t really make a plan, and then when they do it’s completely on their terms because they are “so much busier then you”. This situation I got myself in has helped me since to always make a date or plan on my terms or at least compromise on one aspect.   

   
Feeling cozy and all latte in this look: Eyes: No fake eyelashes. Brown lids. Marc Jacobs brown gel eyeliner pen for eyebrows and some liner (mostly maybelline. Skin: NYX total control foundation. Benefit Hoola Bronzer.                                                 Lips: Toffee lip liner from Primark. NYX full throttle number 7 lipstick. Jacket from Forever 21. 

So this date: Mr Busy – you know the type: his time is worth oh so much more then yours. His work is busier then yours and he’s the alpha male. What he says goes. 

We had agreed on a day yet he asked me to join him the day before as well. I declined and said let’s stick to our original plan even though he was pushy about it. 

He chose the place, the time and I got the feeling like he was rushing me. I even tried to explain I lived on the other side of town but there was no compromise there. 

Let’s take a drink date as an example – it takes you one hour to get ready, give at least 30 minutes to get to this out of the way venue in at least a 20$ Taxi there and back. So you expect for this first time date and effort put in then you deserve a good few hours of getting to know this person. 

No. As soon as I got there he rushed me into the bar, we sat down, rushed to get a drink – I knew something was up. Then he shows me his phone messages from his chairman (as proof I guess but also to make him look so important) that he was told to go there and meet him straight away. 

I asked the questions: where is your office? Next door. Where is your house? Next door. 

Me: I’m on the other side of town you should have cancelled on me. He said I couldn’t do that you were already on the way and we agreed Wednesday to do this date. 

Me: I’m not unreasonable. I understand business and I also get the situation. I wish you let me know sooner I would have much rather made it another time when you aren’t in a rush, instead now we can’t even talk properly and it takes me a hour return to get here. 

Damn I was so angry. Not even 40 mins later I’m back in a Taxi, peak hour traffic to my house. Makeup and whole look wasted! Don’t you hate that? 

So the lesson from this date: compromise, let him be a man and choose the place but if you aren’t comfortable with the location, time, or any of that decision then you definitely should speak up. I would recommend that you choose the area/location and leave it up to them to narrow down a place they like. 

Also don’t feel bad in saying no, picking a time and day that suits you. There is one thing I hate – it’s last minute invitations. And then they get annoyed when that’s the only day that suits them. I don’t know you. I’m not dropping my plans. Go find another girl that’s waiting around for a free dinner / drinks and would bend over backwards for a date with you. Plenty of them in Dubai by the way. So either plan properly, with compromise or move out of the way so I don’t waste my makeup. 

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Casual Makeup to Casual Relationships

 

Lips: HudaBeauty & Sportsgirl Aus

Remember in October I mentioned someone I was seeing for months broke my heart?

Well I realized after much reflecting on the past year and those that I gave my heart and energy to that he didn’t break my heart at all… I broke my own heart by investing in someone who had no consistency and was so confused in his feelings towards me that we were never exclusive to begin with.

So why did I fall in love and was left behind?  See this American made me fall so fast I didn’t know what hit me when he suddenly wasn’t there to catch me. He was tall, handsome, funny, smart and quick witted. He had this confidence and arrogance about him that made you feel special when he invested time with you.

He not only was seeing other women, he was point blank throwing it in my face. But the mixed signals got me, one time he’d be calling me baby and asking about my father, the next I’d catch him on Tinder in front of me. He invited me to join him for his birthday overseas, then he’d go cold and I would find out he was spending his birthday with a girl that he’d met on his holiday.

I tried to talk to him last year about finding out what it is he wanted from me and ultimately us. He would avoid the conversation so I would pull away and then every now and then he would pull back in and here we go all over again.

He was Dickie from Talented Mr Ripley.

Gywenth Paltrows character Marge says: When you have his attention, you feel like you’re the only person in the world, that’s why everybody loves him so much.

It was a casual relationship that I was investing in like it was a serious commitment. I fell so hard from the beginning, holding so close all the times I thought he was investing in me and the fun moments we had together that I never noticed that in fact he wasn’t investing in me at all.

When we were together was the best thing in the world – it makes you forget the sadness and coldness that would come and go like the insconsistent weather city of Melbourne.

I fell in love with this man. Well actually I still could be to an extent because of the emotional connection I have to him. I got the courage to tell him this and that I also wanted to be with him and see where we would go seriously into a relationship. His answer was “I didn’t know you wanted to be with me” and “if keeping my life the same which is travelling the world without you and sleeping with other women is ok for you to handle then we could do that”.

So the point of this story is: No matter how many beautiful memories you have, no matter what he says to make you feel so special when you’re together, if he’s not investing in you as you are for him:  Walk away. Walk away to invest in yourself and know your worth so when someone does man up and invest in you, you will know when to give your heart, time and energy.

 

Shirt from Culture Kings Australia

The Talented Mr Ripley (1999)

The thing with Dickie… it’s like the sun shines on you, and it’s glorious. And then he forgets you and it’s very, very cold. When you have his attention, you feel like you’re the only person in the world, that’s why everybody loves him so much.

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New Year who dis? 

I’m not going to say new year new me because I’ve got no intention of really changing who I am. I will however wish everyone an amazing start to the year and hope you feel a little bit refreshed as I do. My main goal for the end of the year is just to do less partying, more sleep, less bad stuff, more water, less worrying, more loving. 

As you can see from these photos where I’ve not just been called old, but definitely put on holiday weight. 

 
Life is short – I’m eating the damn cookie. 

 As for more loving: I’m still yet to receive a New Years kiss 💋 but I will take the “sexy old woman” instagram comment (@kaytedxb to follow me and maybe add a nice comment) 😂😂

New Years Makeup: 

Face- Fenty Beauty (I don’t know what I’ve done with foundations until this amazing invention- thanks Rhi Rhi!

Eyes: Naked Urban Decay shadow palette & maybelline liner. lashes – 5$ from chemist warehouse. 

Lips: MAC & Huda Beauty combined 

   
 

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