ghosts of singles past

Posted on July 17, 2018 by

I believe in ghosting to a point. I am guilty of it. It’s only OK to ghost someone at the very beginning of dating –  if you are just starting conversations, after first date (only if you’ve ended the date without sleeping with them). I believe it’s much kinder to just ghost someone then it is tell them to their face “We’ve got nothing in common. I’m just not into you”. And usually if that’s the case, then feelings are mutual and the two of you can go along on your merry lives being ghosts to each other forever.

However, it’s NOT ok to ghost someone without a reason after the third or fourth date. And it’s absolutely heartbreaking to ghost someone that you’re in a relationship with. This one, I just can’t get my head around. This has happened to me. And when you are involved so serious with someone, Ghosting gives you NO closure at all and makes it impossible to move on. I was ghosted without any reason or excuse. No messages came anymore, no calls, no plans. Nothing. We’d already faded from each others SM. So literally nothing.

It’s heartbreaking, I had future plans with this guy, said I love you, wanted him to meet my family. To be just ghosted is pretty shit, but then again I look at it like this: them ghosting you is just teaching you how to live your life without them in it. Yes its hurtful at first and some sort of closure would have been better to move on faster but I was good before him, I can be good without him. *Knowing full well all ghosts return.

Ghosts that return:

  1. Short terms: you’ve been on a few dates, know they’ve been ghosted or ghosted you yet pop up like there was no time passed “hey how are you, what no invite?”. You are irrelevant do me a favour and forget my number.
  2. Long terms: Ghosted for years on end and only turn up when they see your sexy pictures becoming more frequent. Possibly seen you on Tinder in the same city so it’s confirmed your single.  “hey how are you – remember when *insert some irrelevant story”. Translate: I’m single now and I remember how much fun we use to have, I don’t want to have you as my girlfriend though but i want to see you. NOT TODAY LONG TERM.
  3. Will not lay to rest Ghost: This is where I’ve been the ghost but I’ve given a reason and spoke about why I’m closing this relationship (or start of one) down. Replies to every insta-story, tries to call and setup to meet as ‘friends’. Ok I was trying to be nice but now mate you are just not getting it.
  4. Silent Ghosts: These are annoying – ghosted you, comes back years later when you are obviously hotter, adds you on Instagram and stalks your life without saying hello. Keep stalking loser, see what you missed out on all those years ago.
  5. Serious Ghosts: The ones I mention ghost you when you are in the middle of a serious stage or relationship. Well firstly fuck them. Secondly they return with a full blown excuse; sometimes blaming you, sometimes blaming a situation they were in. All in all don’t fall for it. These are manipulation techniques that keeps you limbo, loving them, waiting for them and not opening up to anyone else. They can’t even give you the respect to give you a call or a message to just check in but then come back and say baby i missed you so much: *insert pathetic excuse here.

Ghosting: just another way for the universe to tell us we are always going to be OK without this person in our lives… thanks for reminding me, now let me get back to me doing me.

This pics remind me of some Ghost of Girlfriend’s Past creepy haunted shit so here is the look from the weekend:

Outfit: Head to Toe from Namshi 

 

 

 

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21 Questions to kill a date 

Posted on June 23, 2018 by

50 cent  “are you mad because I’m asking 21 questions?”

Well yes I am. Since when is a date an interview? I might go both ways but nothing feels worse then being under the fire of questions. There’s a difference between asking questions within the conversation and just bombarding the person with interview style questions.

 

I always consider myself a good story teller and a good listener, my questions ONLY come out if the guy asks me similar as I don’t want to overstep. I feel like by telling a story you can get the person to share a similar one or at least the conversation will flow from that.

I remember this one disaster date (it wasn’t suppose to be a date but I figured out half way through and his style of questions that he thought it was) where he bombarded me with so many questions I thought I was at an interview or a dating gameshow.

For the basic questions, I tried to turn the attention to him by replying with “what about you?”. For example, where do you work, what about your business on the side, your age, where does your family live etc.

He refused to answer all my questions. And the ones he did answer were one word. I really began to feel annoyed. Who literally shakes their head and refuses to answer?

By the time we had reached his friends place who was getting ready to appear in a red carpet, I was so utterly annoyed. This guy refused to give me any information in return and now I was in a room with a bunch of entertainment wannabes with a couple of girls who were way too excited about a basic red carpet. It was cringing, so I did what anyone would do in that situation, I disconnected and went on my phone.

Situation got even worse, he whatsapped me from across the room “be free”. Ah what? These are people I don’t care about, now with you who’s annoyed me for over an hour and now you giving me attitude for not talking shit with these losers. He even asked out of nowhere “you speak Arabic?!”. Then I realized it was because an email I was forwarding to work had Arabic in the subject. This fool was reading my screen!

Then when waiting for the film to start, he’s throwing even more questions. I said listen I’m not answering shit until you give me some basic information, your age, what your doing for a living and why, I’m not asking anything that can’t be seen from your public profile. It’s not fair you’ve found out about me from asking questions and I’ve got nothing from you. To be fair he wasn’t that great of a catch to make up for the lack of information or conversation so it really did annoy me.

The drive home was silent, because I refused to talk anymore. By the time I was close from home I hated this guy and hated myself for wasting again my makeup and outfit.

Minutes from home the questions started again, asking me about more details on an ex who was same nationality than him. (Of course I didn’t give this info, it was after previous interrogating he figured it out).

So I thought in my head, to shut this guy up I’m going to answer all his questions he will never message me again. Turned out he knew or heard of my ex, and from the look on his face realized he was nowhere near in his league, started to throw even more questions at me at the same time trying to discredit him. DO YOU STILL LOVE HIM?

Me: yes, I loved him with all my heart, our connection is out of this world. Goodnight thanks for the evening – next time don’t ask women questions you don’t want the answer to.

I get a message in the evening: I’m home, I don’t know why you didn’t want to kiss me, good luck with your ex.

I don’t reply. Next day: I’m 34 if you really want to know.

Me: left message on read. Yuck. This was one “interview” that I was clearly over qualified for.

Dress: Fashionnova

Eyes: HudaBeauty Desert Dusk Palette

Skin: HudaBeauty & Fenty

Lips: Sportsgirl

Posted in Disaster Dubai Dates, Let's Makeup, Relationships & Self love, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Love isn’t enough

Posted on May 27, 2018 by

Mark Manson writes his article here about some harsh truths when it comes to love and just simply: Love is not enough. It is so true, yet we all continue to settle with situations, behaviors and treatment because – we love them.

Before we get to the love, this also applies to when you are dating someone. The more I get older, the more I realize love and attraction is just not enough.

My list that I sent into the universe last year in order to attract the right men is the following:

  1. Attractive to me
  2. Fun and makes me laugh
  3. Affectionate
  4. Same if not better financial situation and career as me
  5. Future goals and plans
  6. Can introduce them to my family
  7. Loyal
  8. Wants to get married and have children
  9. Loves to travel

I believe all of them except number 6,7,8 you can determine from the first few dates. It’s early on enough to figure out if you going to continue to see this person or not. And early enough before you let them in your home or go home with them.

I don’t think my list is unattainable, there is one person that ticks all the boxes on this list, but like the title suggests, love isn’t enough and we have geographical distance between us among other things, so only time will tell.

For some reason before I wrote this list 12 months ago – I was settling or putting up with a lot that today I wouldn’t even give them a chance.

I’m in a different stage of my life where by I need someone to be at least the same financial situation, or worse is okay as well as long as there is long term plan to get to a better situation (List number 5). I’ve been there as well, I’ve had no job or run through my savings but of course I’ve had a plan and it would have been nice if my boyfriend at the time saw that potential.

Last few years before my ‘law of attraction list’, I felt like once guys realized I had my shit together would really push a ‘relationship’ on me early on. And if I was vulnerable or lonely that may have worked, but luckily I realized quickly what was happening – they had a place to stay, they had food and even had a car if they needed. Especially if their situation was worse then mine – I was being used for my hospitality and generosity.

I want to go out and plan things together and have fun, if you can’t contribute your way, no matter how much fun we have or attraction is there is then this will not work. Short term there is solutions if you really love someone, but this cannot be for the long term.

I feel like the first few dates of getting to know someone, don’t lift your wallet. As soon as you’ve even paid 10AED for parking or tip, it’s like a light goes off in their head that you are here because you like them and AREN’T using them for a free night out so they sit back and expect it going forward. It’s so off putting I can’t explain how badly this annoys me. I’ve got so many horror stories when it comes to money and men. I don’t know how I let them all get away with it.

You need someone who compliments you, and is compatible in every aspect.

For this, no matter how much you try – love really isn’t enough.

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Ironically, my shirt says ‘let love shine’.

Lipstick & Eyes: @Sleek makeUP

 

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faux lips

Posted on May 14, 2018 by

I’ve taken so many photos of this look and ended up going nowhere to show it off  – how is it that you always look on point when you aren’t going to see anyone? If you’ve noticed I’m back to brunette again.. so I also feel with brown hair nudes and dark colours work the best for makeup. With blonde hair, pretty pinks and bright colours really are wow.

In love with this glam vintage look though – I’m going to perfect it a bit more and write about each element more and more so you all can take some tips. Please let me know what you think.

For today’s post – faux big lips. Unless you are unfortunate enough to have Kylie’s thin lips, I really don’t believe in fillers and botox, most things can be fixed or enhanced with makeup unless it is something you really feel will help your confidence and in that case, do you and make sure you got to a reputable beauty clinic.

Just remember to look after your skin, wear sunscreen, drink water.

img_0495.jpg

FAUX LIPS / Lips without fillers:

  1. I’ve used Huda Beauty Foundation #fauxfilter, a few shades lighter then my skin. I use this on my skin for contouring only as I feel her foundation is too heavy for a full face foundation. I’ve teamed it with Maybelline Fit Me foundation.
  2. Cover your whole lips and upper lip in either a concealer or a lighter shade foundation (I’ve used HudaBeauty).
  3. Taking a darker shade liner that you want to use on your lips… outline OUTSIDE your lips. I’ve used MAC brown lip liner.
  4. Fill your lips with a shade lighter, here I’ve used lip liner Smiling Kuwait brand.
  5. On the inside bottom and top sections of the lip fill with even lighter shade lipstick. Here I’ve used Sportsgirl Barely There ($10!)

 

The above formula works on any shade you want for your lips. I’ve used nudes and browns as I’ve kept my eyes very dark.

Bodysuit: Namshi 

 

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Don’t force it…

Posted on May 14, 2018 by

Don’t force it – the eyeliner, your makeup, the connection, the date, the second date – love. Don’t force situations… if it is meant to be, it will be.

This is easier said then done isn’t it but I wish I knew this last few years. I think I mentioned before the american I fell for  – I fell for him because of the unbelievable connection we had, for the words he was telling me, and I was getting swept up in the moment (fast). Then once you are in that moment – you start to force things. When you going to see each other next, the good morning texts, high expectations of your time together or how you going to look when you see each other.

He pulled away from me only a few months after we started seeing each other, to the point he was even seeing other women and retracted invitations he once gave me to join him on holiday, for me to visibly see he was spending it with someone else.

He hurt me, but to my own fault I should have just let the law of attraction take it’s course. I take responsibility for crying in front of him, for putting pressure on expectations and the future and assuming we were in a committed relationship.

Don’t force it. What will be, will be. When it is right you will know.

The difference between women and men, is we usually know quite quickly – we have strong instincts. I knew, but he didn’t. I should have let him find out and maybe he would have come back to me faster.  He did end up coming back to me – sitting in front of me saying he loved me.  He saw what life was like without me in it, and he appreciated his life with me in it, and now he can’t imagine life without me. (ok he didn’t say this but sometimes you got to believe it’s the things that go unsaid that mean the most)

So what is the issue with men and commitment or not knowing the rare diamond they see before them? Freedom. When I saw him pull away, I should have let him. Men are so so scared of losing their freedom when they meet someone or start to have feelings for someone then usually they do something to sabotage it.

So what’s freedom – well my messages asking how he was – stopped. He needed to see the difference in me caring about him and asking about him.

Messages stopped. Instagram posts stopped and I unfollowed him. If I got a message about meeting up, I would say I can’t afford to, I don’t have the money to come to see you anymore. If he tried to reconnect, I would always answer back but never continued the conversations.  No more goodnight, no more good mornings.

Whatever happens with anyone in my life, I will take this away with me – never force it, if they want you they will come get you, if it is meant to be it will be.

 

Dress: Fashion Nova 

Eyes: Too Faced chocolate eye shadow palette: Honey Dip & Butterscotch

Lips: MAC viva glam

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Looking good is no accident

Posted on April 17, 2018 by


Makeup Look:

Eyes- MAC organge eyeshadow, black liner

Lips: Huda Beauty Lip Kit pencil trophy wife with Sportsgirl Barely There lipstick

Face: MAC concealer, Fenty Beauty Foundation

I use to go to work looking basic at best. I hated my job and when mum saw me she was appalled and would say, you know if you put on some makeup and brush your hair you would already feel 100% better about going to work because you’d feel better in yourself.

This is absolutely correct. Now I wear heels to work, put a nice outfit together and do my makeup everyday. It’s not for anyone else – except myself.

When I go out – dates, friends, night out, I will always wear a lot more makeup as I just love the whole process of getting ready.

And then when you are looking good, you feel good. You walk through crowds with an air of added confidence. I like reading the signs of the guys I’m dating when we go out –  I find nothing sexier in a man who is confident when they are walking side by side with their girl. They don’t feel insecure because other men are looking at her, they feel confident and blessed that they are walking next to a woman that is turning heads – and I like that. A red flag is definitely men who don’t take it as a positive. Like the Part 1 story I wrote about – the date with Mr Grey. He was so offended and annoyed that a man at the restaurant did a double take on me and glared. I said “so why does that bother you? I’m with you – its not like he would come up to me”. He said “it’s disrespectful to me, I’m walking right next to you”. Not that I got even one compliment from Mr Grey anyway so the random strangers stare in the restaurant boosted my confidence for a minute. This was a red flag in my head as well – imagine a relationship with someone who gives you no compliments and is insecure picking fights when someone looks twice at you.

The american who I actually fell in love with (I wrote about in this article) he was the opposite. He loved walking next to me and seeing the looks I would get from men. Because with the attention from men, also came attention from women – all of a sudden we are an attractive couple walking through a hotel lobby and people stop to take notice. He was so proud that I was walking with him and in turn I felt more confident and loved walking with him. This is a man who appreciates the fact this woman has the attention of any man but she’s standing walking with him.

A lady gave me a compliment awhile ago when I was with someone who I wrote about here as well – she smiled and said wow you are so beautiful ‘ma’shallah’. My man turned to me with the largest smile on his face and said “see baby I tell you all the time you look beautiful”. Yeah mate you tell me cause you should tell me – but to hear it from a woman, and also in front of you… well that’s just made my day because only women know the true effort we go to look good – and it’s no accident.

Bodysuit: Namshi

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For the Gram

Posted on April 10, 2018 by

This is one disaster date that needs three parts. Key lessons I received from this date will stay with me forever, mostly because some incidences are scarred in my memory.

Firstly, this part is about how Instagram’s perception can really be what and who you attract positively or negatively.

Last year I mentioned before, I lost a lot of weight and really changed my body shape for the good. I was travelling more and visiting countries I wanted to get off my bucketlist (USA, Croatia, Canada). Sometimes my sister was with me to take all the photos, I was posting a lot, I was happy and in general I really was loving life and myself!

This particular guy – I’m going to call him Mr Grey for a number a reasons that I will get to. Mr Grey and I followed each other on Instagram for at least over a year. He posted a lot of adventure shots, very active, also liked to party, loved to travel and was from the states with what it seemed a great career and focus in life.

Date 1: I liked that he organized and planned the whole date. He suggested the places, sent me links and was all in all very well thought through plan. Little did I know his organization was actually Instagram obsession. He was only choosing these places because he wanted the ‘photo’ for Instagram. I found this out on the last location of the date.

He picked me up. Didn’t say you look nice, was awkward in the greeting and no eye contact whatsoever in the car. I will let this slide though he could be nervous. I was telling him over message that such a fancy restaurant I needed to work out an outfit (kind of hinting I was excited for the date). Towards the end of the night he actually mentioned “you wanted to pick a nice outfit but you end up wearing a sheet”. Eh what?! Red flag 1 – no compliments and on top of that actually putting me down in what I was wearing.

We spoke about a lot during our date, some of it was good but I couldn’t help but have weird feelings on some of our subjects. This is also a major thing to look out for – trust your intuition. If you aren’t feeling the vibe, wrap it up as soon as you can and go.

Towards the end of the date it was clear he was Instagram obsessed. Which is so off putting. He kind of had a few digs at me about my photos (so why are we meeting then?), and then preceded to show me a girl (Instagram model) who wanted him. He sat there on her account picking her to shreds, she’s not natural, this or that or this or that.

I don’t like putting down other women through Instagram. Mr Grey if you got so much of an issue with her fake body why are you following her?

He said to me “your Instagram is obvious you are thirsty for men” (he said something else but it’s pretty vulgar I don’t want to repeat it). I was like “what seriously mine?”

He tried to cover it up saying well your single for sure because no man would let their woman take pictures like that and if you and I were serious you would have to tone them down.

I said well you don’t realize why I put pictures up like that. I’m really proud of what I’ve accomplished and the purpose is to empower a positive body image for all women. Plus once I’m in a relationship, the only difference is my man would be in the pictures and taking the pictures! I’m still going to be in a bikini on the beach, but he’s going to be next to me.

I then realized even I had perceived him as someone he wasn’t – due to his Instagram. The guy from Instagram was fun, social, loved to travel and stay fit and active. The guy I met was socially awkward, quite disrespectful to women (that is in part 2), no real future plans and only did half of his life experiences for the gram! After this complete disaster date, he was even more pushy with his messages to me. I posted a really nice picture that my friend had taken of me professionally (he was practicing and also for his folio). I got a DM from Mr Grey…. “eh take this down”.

Sorry mate – my page. Not yours.

Anyway this was a long time ago. And it wasn’t even a part of the reason I deleted a lot of my Instagram pictures, because my answer still stands on that. But I also don’t want men I’m dating or just met to perceive me as something I’m not right now. My mindset this year has changed with who and what I want to attract this year – Read my most recent Instagram post @katyedxb for more on this, and for some extra positive happiness for a Tuesday.

You are attracting what you put out there… and for last year I was definitely attracting my share of men who wanted only what was on the gram.

 

Location: South Beach, Miami (isn’t this pink lifeguard tower to die for?)

Coverup/dress: Aussie label Talulah 

Full Piece Green Swimmers: H&M

Posted in Disaster Dubai Dates, Relationships & Self love, Stylin' With Dirhams, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments