I’m so frustrated with this. I’ve touched on this subject briefly here, so you most of you single girls will feel my frustration. It just seems to be a never ending story, and I’m trying to be accommodating but there are just some things I can’t settle for – and lack of making or sticking to plans is one of them.
I was head over heels with someone for the last year, whenever he’s in town his lack of planning is really frustrating. He goes off the radar when we have plans and then gets caught up in doing other things. I’ve tried talking to him and explaining that his actions make me feel like I’m not a priority. I’m always available and free for you yet you can’t even set up a basic plan. Time, day, plan. What makes it worse is he’s only here for a short amount of time each time he’s here. When we are together it’s amazing and when he leaves or just goes ‘MIA’ it’s the coldest shittest feeling ever. I put up with this behaviour because of my feelings for him. But seriously this whole thing gets to me.
When I was dating new people it was one thing that was in my pre-requisite. If you cannot make a simple plan to meet up. Then get out of my messages. Leave me alone to do my thing. A plan can be anything. It does not need to be fancy.
But: ‘Can I come over?’ at anytime after 9pm is NOT a plan. Actually on any first few dates. “Come Over or can I come over” is not a plan.
Plan is: Lets meet for a coffee / walk / beach / dinner / drink / movie / after work/ lunch.
Pretty easy right? I entertained this whole “Can I pass by” shit once alot before but it won’t happen ever again. If you feel I’m not even worth a coffee and hour of your time outside then why should I even write back to you.
I don’t know why Americans seem to be the main offenders at this. One guy we were suppose to go on a date, I checked in on the day – where do you want to meet. He stuffed around a bit in messages so I took the initiative and gave him 3 places close to our area. He replied “Does any of them have Happy Hour”. OMG cringe. I didn’t write back. He then comes back at me by 10pm “sorry i fell asleep”. I said “I didn’t hear from you so I went out with my friends”. Behavior was put in its place from then, he still spoke to me every day and a few weeks later he says his sisters are in town and where I would recommend he take them. I gave him my options, he then said at 2am is it OK I come and meet you and your friends. Ok sure why not lets see what this guy is like in front of other people. He was fine, his sisters were lovely, but he was acting like we would be going home together. Like this was a date. Ah no. This isn’t a date. This is nothing actually. And then calling me at 5am after I left the club “Can I come over” is totally unacceptable and such a turnoff. Mate you have done NOTHING to impress me so far. Nothing. No initiative, no plans, cancelled plans and then expecting an invitation at 5am? Get out of here.
So how to set boundaries with first date plans (this is only if you don’t meet a fantastic guy that makes plans and take initiative!)?
- Set some boundaries with days / times you are free
This question from him ‘so when are we meeting’? Important answer here is to act busy. You can’t always be free whenever and say “well I’m free all week”. No you aren’t. Give options of when you are free. And never suggest or make weekend plans with someone you’ve never met. Weekends are for yourself or your friends. Not wasted on guys.
2. Give options that suit you.
For example: places close to your house or close to work and even suggest places you’d like to try out yourself. This means the place is new to both of you and already have something to talk about as soon as you walk in.
3. Check in the day of. Reconfirm with a casual “hey just checking if we are on for today / tonight”. If no reply or late reply – forget it. Make other plans and unless he has a very good excuse about why he bailed on you – Put him back down to irrelevant in your phone list (or even block him if you want to save your energy).
Happy planning 🙂
Makeup by me, I look a little tired as I had been partying 2 days straight.
Fenty Beauty skin.
Maybelline Eyes with Marc Jacobs Eye Palette.
Sleek Nude Lipstick. MAC Lip Liner brown.