“Love doesn’t die a natural death. It has to be killed by neglect or narcissism.”
Quite an intense quote isn’t it?
Lately, past loves have been coming back into my life in one form or another.
One of them came up in topic talking with my sisters and they mentioned how much I laughed when I was with him. How much fun it always looked like we were having. I answered, yes because we use to take the piss out of each other. We constantly laughing at each others expense – Its not the most lovable form of happiness.
He had recently contacted me telling me how great of a girlfriend I was all those years ago but how in the early stages my partying and drinking almost made him leave me.
First of all, I was young. Secondly this was a stupid exaggeration – and something he was always good at – following a compliment with an insult. And thirdly, why you telling me this? Completely irrelevant to life today.
I know I was a good girlfriend because when I’m in a relationship I do the worst mistake – I put their needs before my own. I give it my all because this is what I want to do but also I want them to be happy. Even if it means giving them money, stop doing things I love to do, helping with their business or their house, come running when they need me, staying up late to spend time with them and so forth. Slowly by slowly, if they ask me or hint at me – I adapt little by little.
And this is why I’ve probably stayed single for so long. I never want to make that mistake again. I want to have fun, I want to go out drinking but with my person, I want to still help them with their life and support them, as long as I can be okay as well (and as a priority). I’m learning slowly and I’m trying to back off guys that I feel start to go down the path of showing traits as a narcissist.
In saying that, I know I can’t change people either. I really want it to work with someone at the moment but it’s making me so tired. I’m a planner – he’s not. I love to keep in contact on the phone, he doesn’t. I try not to get upset or disappointed when I’m left on blue ticks but I can’t help but always go back to to the good times together and so I excuse the shitty behavior. When I don’t feel like a priority it’s a very difficult thing to accept when I myself ALWAYS put him as a priority. And we go back to the quote – Love dies of neglect. It really shouldn’t be this hard.
Don’t change, don’t adapt. Just compromise. Compromise is a two way street.
Makeup: 70’s movie star inspired. All Maybelline Lips & Eyes. Skin: Fenty Beauty