Remember in October I mentioned someone I was seeing for months broke my heart?
Well I realized after much reflecting on the past year and those that I gave my heart and energy to that he didn’t break my heart at all… I broke my own heart by investing in someone who had no consistency and was so confused in his feelings towards me that we were never exclusive to begin with.
So why did I fall in love and was left behind? See this American made me fall so fast I didn’t know what hit me when he suddenly wasn’t there to catch me. He was tall, handsome, funny, smart and quick witted. He had this confidence and arrogance about him that made you feel special when he invested time with you.
He not only was seeing other women, he was point blank throwing it in my face. But the mixed signals got me, one time he’d be calling me baby and asking about my father, the next I’d catch him on Tinder in front of me. He invited me to join him for his birthday overseas, then he’d go cold and I would find out he was spending his birthday with a girl that he’d met on his holiday.
I tried to talk to him last year about finding out what it is he wanted from me and ultimately us. He would avoid the conversation so I would pull away and then every now and then he would pull back in and here we go all over again.
He was Dickie from Talented Mr Ripley.
Gywenth Paltrows character Marge says: When you have his attention, you feel like you’re the only person in the world, that’s why everybody loves him so much.
It was a casual relationship that I was investing in like it was a serious commitment. I fell so hard from the beginning, holding so close all the times I thought he was investing in me and the fun moments we had together that I never noticed that in fact he wasn’t investing in me at all.
When we were together was the best thing in the world – it makes you forget the sadness and coldness that would come and go like the insconsistent weather city of Melbourne.
I fell in love with this man. Well actually I still could be to an extent because of the emotional connection I have to him. I got the courage to tell him this and that I also wanted to be with him and see where we would go seriously into a relationship. His answer was “I didn’t know you wanted to be with me” and “if keeping my life the same which is travelling the world without you and sleeping with other women is ok for you to handle then we could do that”.
So the point of this story is: No matter how many beautiful memories you have, no matter what he says to make you feel so special when you’re together, if he’s not investing in you as you are for him: Walk away. Walk away to invest in yourself and know your worth so when someone does man up and invest in you, you will know when to give your heart, time and energy.
The Talented Mr Ripley (1999)
The thing with Dickie… it’s like the sun shines on you, and it’s glorious. And then he forgets you and it’s very, very cold. When you have his attention, you feel like you’re the only person in the world, that’s why everybody loves him so much.