Love doesn’t die. It has to be killed.

“Love doesn’t die a natural death. It has to be killed by neglect or narcissism.”

Quite an intense quote isn’t it?

Lately, past loves have been coming back into my life in one form or another.

One of them came up in topic talking with my sisters and they mentioned how much I laughed when I was with him. How much fun it always looked like we were having. I answered, yes because we use to take the piss out of each other. We constantly laughing at each others expense –  Its not the most lovable form of happiness.

He had recently contacted me telling me how great of a girlfriend I was all those years ago but how in the early stages my partying and drinking almost made him leave me.

First of all, I was young. Secondly this was a stupid exaggeration – and something he was always good at – following a compliment with an insult. And thirdly, why you telling me this? Completely irrelevant to life today.

I know I was a good girlfriend because when I’m in a relationship I do the worst mistake – I put their needs before my own. I give it my all because this is what I want to do but also I want them to be happy.  Even if it means giving them money, stop doing things I love to do, helping with their business or their house, come running when they need me, staying up late to spend time with them and so forth. Slowly by slowly, if they ask me or hint at me – I adapt little by little.

And this is why I’ve probably stayed single for so long. I never want to make that mistake again. I want to have fun, I want to go out drinking but with my person, I want to still help them with their life and support them, as long as I can be okay as well (and as a priority). I’m learning slowly and I’m trying to back off guys that I feel start to go down the path of showing traits as a narcissist.

In saying that, I know I can’t change people either. I really want it to work with someone at the moment but it’s making me so tired. I’m a planner – he’s not. I love to keep in contact on the phone, he doesn’t. I try not to get upset or disappointed when I’m left on blue ticks but I can’t help but always go back to to the good times together and so I excuse the shitty behavior. When I don’t feel like a priority it’s a very difficult thing to accept when I myself ALWAYS put him as a priority. And we go back to the quote – Love dies of neglect. It really shouldn’t be this hard.

Don’t change, don’t adapt. Just compromise. Compromise is a two way street.

Makeup: 70’s movie star inspired. All Maybelline Lips & Eyes. Skin: Fenty Beauty

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If the shoe fits…

All cities have their fair share of weirdos. Lucky for us in Dubai, we have less of the criminal psychotic weirdos and more of the socially awkward weirdos. It’s the city where you can leave your house unlocked at night, but you will be stalked at the mall because you gave eye contact accidentally.

Every girl living here has had stalker stories from the mall stalkers, to restaurants or even at work – most of the time they are harmless but still annoying and unwanted attention. I feel if there was a consultancy firm to help men talk to women it would be doing us all a favor (Hitch of the Middle East). Simple things like don’t follow women into the lingerie section at the mall, or please don’t invite women for ‘private parties’ over Instagram.

Last year I had one online stalker who was harmless but just never ending persistence in the sense of a messaging, responding to stories and so on. Obviously I wasn’t responding but he would still try. After about 6 months of ongoing messaging he figured out the only way to get my attention – SHOES. I posted some photos my friend had taken of me in her Louboutins’. I gave a shout out to her for letting me borrow the shoes.

I don’t buy labels, if you see me in designers it’s because I found them on sale. As much as I love designer labels, I always spend my money on travelling or makeup and less on shoes and bags. This stalker had figured out my weakness – shoes. After not answering his messages over the last few months he got my attention with his actions. “I see you like shoes”. (well no shit) “So I’ve placed a pair of shoes that I think you would like at the Louboutin Store in Dubai Mall. Please go there and pick them up, it’s under my name and number and let me know if you like them”.

Wow, alright Mr Stalker – I bit the bait. I went to the store to just see if he was for real, and sure enough he was. There was the exact pair of heels I had borrowed from my friend, waiting for me to pick up. No questions asked. So he got a response from me, of course I thanked him and he didn’t have to do that as I have a boyfriend and that’s why I don’t respond (I didn’t have a boyfriend). He settled with taking my Snapchat so my ‘boyfriend’ wouldn’t see our texts. He was living in Abu Dhabi so I thought he’d never be in Dubai anyway.

This seems harmless doesn’t it – just giving Snapchat in exchange for a pair of shoes? But all I did was reward his weird behavior. A few weeks more I had hid him from my stories and not responsive on his constant phone harassment. He would add me on different accounts and different numbers. It was becoming a little weird. Little did I know, he had already collected enough details on me to know my: car plate and work address. How? I stupidly snapped a picture of my desk at work with my first and last name and name of my company. From this basic info he could track down the details.  Thankfully I live with my best friend so there is no record of a home address in the system.

One day I was about to travel out to Australia for a few weeks. He knew this day would be last ditch attempt to get to meet me. Throughout the day I was getting stranger then normal text messages from him that he wanted to meet me or send a gift to my office. They sort of became a sense of desperation.

I was driving on my way home from work and stopped at a traffic light, someone hit my car from behind. Not a serious hit, but enough for me to pull over and get out. I had this strange feeling when that happened – a gut instinct something wasn’t right. This wasn’t the type of street that you could have an accident on. I looked in the rear view mirror and noticed it was a Abu Dhabi number plate. I pulled over quickly in a service road and it was then too late for him to pull up behind me so had to stay on the major road next to me. As I got out of the car I got a good look at him – and knew straight away it was him. Loubs Stalker in the flesh. I walked around to the back of my car pretending to look at the damage but what I was really trying to do was quickly get my head together on what to do next. My heart was racing. I was really scared. This guy had purposely hit me so I’d stop and talk to him, or worse find out where I lived. Who knows what he would do next.

I quickly walked back to the car and said ‘no damage it’s ok’, all the while he was staring at me with this look like ‘oh what a coincidence don’t I know you?’. I got back into my car, put the phone on speaker and called my friend to tell her what happened as I drove on.

As I’m talking on the phone, he had pulled over up ahead in order to let me pass and start following me once again. I started shaking. I was terrified. Lucky for me, I know the streets of Dubai – I took a random few turns, a side street and drove up into the Conrad Hotel whereby their valet parking is covered from the street – And all hotels have cameras.

I’d lost him. Spent a hour inside the hotel lobby scared out of my head but I lost him.

I got home, reported all his phone numbers to a police service (because yes every number I blocked he’d call with another one), blocked him from social media, went on private on Instagram.

All for the love of Loubs.

 

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Wait for the one 

After my life turning in a different direction this year, I’ve been looking at life and relationships differently.

I’ve been thanking my lucky stars for never settling down when I was given a chance. If I did, I would have had 5 kids in a small town, never travelled and probably 10 years in have felt suffocated, maybe cheated or fell into depression. Why? Because that high school sweetheart boyfriend was not for me. I would have been settling, not just with him but with life. I wanted to travel the world and he didn’t, I wanted to be successful and he was content in just doing the minimum. It would have been a disaster but a lot of people would have stayed out of fear of loneliness or content with the familiar.

Some people settle down long before we meet the people we are suppose to love.

I dated someone in Dubai who ticked all boxes: he was cute, smart, amazing job, had big life plans, no children, wanted children, had a car and house, close to his family, actually good in bed, was affectionate and sweet and wanted to get married and soon.  What was the issue? He was boring. He never made any plans or took initiative. His messages were the same boring greetings “good morning” “😘”

Wtf? Make an effort, plan a date, come pick me up and go somewhere. His schedule was different to mine but mine was pretty routine. If he wanted to create some fun we could have but it was just no passion or chemistry so I definitely didnt try either.

And here’s the thing, if there’s a connection and passion, I would settle with the fact he’s not good at making plans and small talk over the phone. But I just don’t see myself with him even though if I settled down with him I would be set for life. On the outside we would have a life most people would envy, but on the inside I would be always thinking that there is more out there.

Stay single with high standards then being in a relationship and settling for less.


  

Barbie Bodysuit: Misguided, available on Namshi.

Lips: NYX Full Throttle Lipstick. Is it just me or NYX has now become on par prices with MAC?! They use to be my favourite drugstore brand.

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Fake it till you make it, or fake it till you get her. 

I cringe as I write this disaster date story. I’ve put it out of my memory. My friend will know when she read’s it – we called him the ‘glasses guy’. It went on for weeks after the date and she’d say: what – he still not picked up his glasses?!

Living in Dubai you get the show offs, some of them actually do have a reason to show off and some want so desperately just to look rich. This guy was such a try hard, full of complete shit. I was fooled at the beginning and believed the bullshit he was feeding me as it was over whatsap. It’s only by going on a date with these type of conartists you come to know.

Saying that, a girlfriend of mine was eyeing off an arab guy in the cafe last week. The guy looked broke I said why you looking at him?  She said it’s always the simple dressed guys wearing no labels that have the most money. Watch and take note: New Balance shoes, fitbit watch, comfortable car – this guy has money. I looked at her with disbelief, no way girl. She said he does, look at the other arab girls behind him. They too were obviously educated by this theory as they were all trying to flirt with him and get his attention. Two words that have me running: New Balance. I don’t get it but then again it’s probably the reason I end up with broke guys. People with money don’t need people to think they have money – they have money.

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Glasses guy fooled me at the start because he was not only a show off, he was a bull shitter. It was just lie after lie with the sole purpose to first get me on a date, show off then ultimately get me home. The ultimate full of shit Dubai Kid.

I met him in a club. I was there with my girlfriends at our own table and he had the table next to us. He had older crowd with him and they were ordering nice drinks, he was dressed well in a good suit and seemed like he was there with business. Anyway I started chatting, we exchanged numbers, Instagram after a few days and so flowed the next few weeks getting to know each other over messaging. After stalking his profile I was also under the impression this guy was in a good position at work, liked to party, could dress well i.e was successful and everything he was telling me was adding up. Ah Instagram…. how you build up a fake expectation of our lives.

The guy was not cute, he’d be pushing to be a 2 at best. He was tall and it’s funny how a below average guy suddenly goes from a 2 to a 8 with an expensive suit, shoes, glasses, nice haircut and custom made limited edition car. Okay now I sound like a gold digger but this aside, we did have good chat, he seemed passionate about his “very important” company, seemed to like to party and had nice family values.

So with that said, I gave him a chance and on a date I went. Plans changed at the last second and I was squeezed out of getting picked up to go to his event, to coming to him for pre-drinks. I don’t know how I let this happen but I turn up to his ‘cousins’ shitty ass apartment. Red Flag for his bullshit  “I’m in between places at the moment, currently looking for villas on the Palm” (no your not buddy but anyway). I bring my own drinks and I drive there. Damn it, I’m already down by time, effort and alcohol so far.

We go to the first stop: Dinner at non-licensed restaurant that is apart of ‘his’ companies portfolio. He’s hosting the DJ who will be playing at the club that night. Get there and in walks all his loser leeches of friends, wannabe entourage for the free dinner. They were so cocky like him anyone watching would think we were Drakes entourage. Great. Two hours sober with the wannabes. Exactly what I want on my day off. I realized fast he was all for show when he turned to me and asked for a kiss. Yuck. In front of everyone at the table… no thanks mate, still too sober to even pretend I’m your girlfriend shit. And so far this far from a date.

The car he’s claiming as his: is his bosses or companies, or whatever but it’s not his (1 million USD price point). One of the companies they own is custom car buying and selling, I realized this when they were making the poor DJ take pictures with all the cars out the front of the restaurant for promotion. *cringe

Second stop: The club. I love to party and like I said, I met him at a club so now the whole charade has unraveled. Bullshitter red flag 3:  As a promoter of the club or entertainer you obviously get a VIP table as apart of the deal. So what I believed was his table that day in Armani, was actually a promoters table. What table did we have now? – a promoters table. What does that include? Pretty much whatever they feel like giving you. Shitty drinks accompanied with the big crowd of his wannabe friends all pretending they were popping champagne like we are at Diddy’s party. It was a disaster. Like the car he claimed was his: the table, the restaurant, the business, all NOT his.

The game of bullshit was over and I needed a way out and fast… thankfully my friends turned up, pretending to party with me then making an excuse so we could leave.

We had a drink together, I packed my shit and left. Told him my friends are going to drop me home cause I’m not feeling well. He literally ran out after me, begging me to stay. Of course he was – there was no girls at your table, only one prostitute and the poor DJ girl. He already had a big ego, and me being by his side in front of his lame ass friends added to this fake game I wanted no part of. My friends dragged me away and off we go.

I go to the party with my friends, have such a good time – get a call from a number I don’t know at around 5am. And it’s him again – realizing I’m not at home he proceeds to send me all these horrible messages how I lied to him, he told his cousin I would be staying there tonight (yuck so his intentions were I was going home with him) and just left after everything. I’m guessing the call at 5am was one last attempt to pick me up and take me home. Vomit.

The next day, he’s expecting me to apologize. I don’t. So he says “my glasses are in your bag can you please drop them to me, I can’t see without them”. Damn it – he must have put them in my bag at the club. “You can pick them up from my reception at home today or work tomorrow.” He’s the one with the million dollar car right?

Days go past, he tries another way: I was upset you just left and lied and went to a party instead of ending the night with me but anyway can I make it up to you and buy you a gift or take you for dinner.

Me: Make up for what? We had a good time, I said thanks for the evening and I left. Sorry if you expected something else but just because you buy me dinner or a drink out doesn’t give you the right to assume we ending the night together. I only came to that club because you insisted it was apart of the date. In the end it was nothing but a promoters table and showing off with your friends. You were going if I was there or not, your company paid if I was there or not. I’m not like other girls here –  none of this impresses me. Misleading girls to think you are a CEO of this big company with all these connections don’t work on me. Lies don’t work on me. I can’t believe I even believed you enough to waste the few hours I did. Now pick up your glasses.

Another week, no glasses. Reception calls me at work and says we can’t keep them here anymore. I say to him, listen you want these glasses or not – I will put in Uber now. Him apologizing, some excuse about not having a car right now, offering a second chance dinner AGAIN. Me: It’s done now so just send me your location. Ah what a surprise, the location is the same shitty ass apartment that was his ‘cousins’. In between places my ass.

As my friend said – if he was such a big shot, the glasses could be easily replaced.

ACTIONS OVER WORDS. This guy’s fraud like ‘rich kid’ persona was an epic fail on me. You are BROKE. Joke broke. All that aside, if he dropped all the bullshit, and was just real, then he was actually an OK guy. There are other ways to impress a girl without the fakeness and misleading information. The whole night was such a put off and waste of time, makeup, outfit  –  3 hours of my life on bullshit adventure that I can never get back.

Glasses guy date cost: 0 | Kate cost: 200AED (BYO drinks, Taxi for return of glasses)
Talking about faking it.. another look with my Faux Fillers trick with lips.

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ghosts of singles past

I believe in ghosting to a point. I am guilty of it. It’s only OK to ghost someone at the very beginning of dating –  if you are just starting conversations, after first date (only if you’ve ended the date without sleeping with them). I believe it’s much kinder to just ghost someone then it is tell them to their face “We’ve got nothing in common. I’m just not into you”. And usually if that’s the case, then feelings are mutual and the two of you can go along on your merry lives being ghosts to each other forever.

However, it’s NOT ok to ghost someone without a reason after the third or fourth date. And it’s absolutely heartbreaking to ghost someone that you’re in a relationship with. This one, I just can’t get my head around. This has happened to me. And when you are involved so serious with someone, Ghosting gives you NO closure at all and makes it impossible to move on. I was ghosted without any reason or excuse. No messages came anymore, no calls, no plans. Nothing. We’d already faded from each others SM. So literally nothing.

It’s heartbreaking, I had future plans with this guy, said I love you, wanted him to meet my family. To be just ghosted is pretty shit, but then again I look at it like this: them ghosting you is just teaching you how to live your life without them in it. Yes its hurtful at first and some sort of closure would have been better to move on faster but I was good before him, I can be good without him. *Knowing full well all ghosts return.

Ghosts that return:

  1. Short terms: you’ve been on a few dates, know they’ve been ghosted or ghosted you yet pop up like there was no time passed “hey how are you, what no invite?”. You are irrelevant do me a favour and forget my number.
  2. Long terms: Ghosted for years on end and only turn up when they see your sexy pictures becoming more frequent. Possibly seen you on Tinder in the same city so it’s confirmed your single.  “hey how are you – remember when *insert some irrelevant story”. Translate: I’m single now and I remember how much fun we use to have, I don’t want to have you as my girlfriend though but i want to see you. NOT TODAY LONG TERM.
  3. Will not lay to rest Ghost: This is where I’ve been the ghost but I’ve given a reason and spoke about why I’m closing this relationship (or start of one) down. Replies to every insta-story, tries to call and setup to meet as ‘friends’. Ok I was trying to be nice but now mate you are just not getting it.
  4. Silent Ghosts: These are annoying – ghosted you, comes back years later when you are obviously hotter, adds you on Instagram and stalks your life without saying hello. Keep stalking loser, see what you missed out on all those years ago.
  5. Serious Ghosts: The ones I mention ghost you when you are in the middle of a serious stage or relationship. Well firstly fuck them. Secondly they return with a full blown excuse; sometimes blaming you, sometimes blaming a situation they were in. All in all don’t fall for it. These are manipulation techniques that keeps you limbo, loving them, waiting for them and not opening up to anyone else. They can’t even give you the respect to give you a call or a message to just check in but then come back and say baby i missed you so much: *insert pathetic excuse here.

Ghosting: just another way for the universe to tell us we are always going to be OK without this person in our lives… thanks for reminding me, now let me get back to me doing me.

This pics remind me of some Ghost of Girlfriend’s Past creepy haunted shit so here is the look from the weekend:

Outfit: Head to Toe from Namshi 

 

 

 

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21 Questions to kill a date 

50 cent  “are you mad because I’m asking 21 questions?”

Well yes I am. Since when is a date an interview? I might go both ways but nothing feels worse then being under the fire of questions. There’s a difference between asking questions within the conversation and just bombarding the person with interview style questions.

 

I always consider myself a good story teller and a good listener, my questions ONLY come out if the guy asks me similar as I don’t want to overstep. I feel like by telling a story you can get the person to share a similar one or at least the conversation will flow from that.

I remember this one disaster date (it wasn’t suppose to be a date but I figured out half way through and his style of questions that he thought it was) where he bombarded me with so many questions I thought I was at an interview or a dating gameshow.

For the basic questions, I tried to turn the attention to him by replying with “what about you?”. For example, where do you work, what about your business on the side, your age, where does your family live etc.

He refused to answer all my questions. And the ones he did answer were one word. I really began to feel annoyed. Who literally shakes their head and refuses to answer?

By the time we had reached his friends place who was getting ready to appear in a red carpet, I was so utterly annoyed. This guy refused to give me any information in return and now I was in a room with a bunch of entertainment wannabes with a couple of girls who were way too excited about a basic red carpet. It was cringing, so I did what anyone would do in that situation, I disconnected and went on my phone.

Situation got even worse, he whatsapped me from across the room “be free”. Ah what? These are people I don’t care about, now with you who’s annoyed me for over an hour and now you giving me attitude for not talking shit with these losers. He even asked out of nowhere “you speak Arabic?!”. Then I realized it was because an email I was forwarding to work had Arabic in the subject. This fool was reading my screen!

Then when waiting for the film to start, he’s throwing even more questions. I said listen I’m not answering shit until you give me some basic information, your age, what your doing for a living and why, I’m not asking anything that can’t be seen from your public profile. It’s not fair you’ve found out about me from asking questions and I’ve got nothing from you. To be fair he wasn’t that great of a catch to make up for the lack of information or conversation so it really did annoy me.

The drive home was silent, because I refused to talk anymore. By the time I was close from home I hated this guy and hated myself for wasting again my makeup and outfit.

Minutes from home the questions started again, asking me about more details on an ex who was same nationality than him. (Of course I didn’t give this info, it was after previous interrogating he figured it out).

So I thought in my head, to shut this guy up I’m going to answer all his questions he will never message me again. Turned out he knew or heard of my ex, and from the look on his face realized he was nowhere near in his league, started to throw even more questions at me at the same time trying to discredit him. DO YOU STILL LOVE HIM?

Me: yes, I loved him with all my heart, our connection is out of this world. Goodnight thanks for the evening – next time don’t ask women questions you don’t want the answer to.

I get a message in the evening: I’m home, I don’t know why you didn’t want to kiss me, good luck with your ex.

I don’t reply. Next day: I’m 34 if you really want to know.

Me: left message on read. Yuck. This was one “interview” that I was clearly over qualified for.

Dress: Fashionnova

Eyes: HudaBeauty Desert Dusk Palette

Skin: HudaBeauty & Fenty

Lips: Sportsgirl

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Love isn’t enough

Mark Manson writes his article here about some harsh truths when it comes to love and just simply: Love is not enough. It is so true, yet we all continue to settle with situations, behaviors and treatment because – we love them.

Before we get to the love, this also applies to when you are dating someone. The more I get older, the more I realize love and attraction is just not enough.

My list that I sent into the universe last year in order to attract the right men is the following:

  1. Attractive to me
  2. Fun and makes me laugh
  3. Affectionate
  4. Same if not better financial situation and career as me
  5. Future goals and plans
  6. Can introduce them to my family
  7. Loyal
  8. Wants to get married and have children
  9. Loves to travel

I believe all of them except number 6,7,8 you can determine from the first few dates. It’s early on enough to figure out if you going to continue to see this person or not. And early enough before you let them in your home or go home with them.

I don’t think my list is unattainable, there is one person that ticks all the boxes on this list, but like the title suggests, love isn’t enough and we have geographical distance between us among other things, so only time will tell.

For some reason before I wrote this list 12 months ago – I was settling or putting up with a lot that today I wouldn’t even give them a chance.

I’m in a different stage of my life where by I need someone to be at least the same financial situation, or worse is okay as well as long as there is long term plan to get to a better situation (List number 5). I’ve been there as well, I’ve had no job or run through my savings but of course I’ve had a plan and it would have been nice if my boyfriend at the time saw that potential.

Last few years before my ‘law of attraction list’, I felt like once guys realized I had my shit together would really push a ‘relationship’ on me early on. And if I was vulnerable or lonely that may have worked, but luckily I realized quickly what was happening – they had a place to stay, they had food and even had a car if they needed. Especially if their situation was worse then mine – I was being used for my hospitality and generosity.

I want to go out and plan things together and have fun, if you can’t contribute your way, no matter how much fun we have or attraction is there is then this will not work. Short term there is solutions if you really love someone, but this cannot be for the long term.

I feel like the first few dates of getting to know someone, don’t lift your wallet. As soon as you’ve even paid 10AED for parking or tip, it’s like a light goes off in their head that you are here because you like them and AREN’T using them for a free night out so they sit back and expect it going forward. It’s so off putting I can’t explain how badly this annoys me. I’ve got so many horror stories when it comes to money and men. I don’t know how I let them all get away with it.

You need someone who compliments you, and is compatible in every aspect.

For this, no matter how much you try – love really isn’t enough.

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Ironically, my shirt says ‘let love shine’.

Lipstick & Eyes: @Sleek makeUP

 

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faux lips

I’ve taken so many photos of this look and ended up going nowhere to show it off  – how is it that you always look on point when you aren’t going to see anyone? If you’ve noticed I’m back to brunette again.. so I also feel with brown hair nudes and dark colours work the best for makeup. With blonde hair, pretty pinks and bright colours really are wow.

In love with this glam vintage look though – I’m going to perfect it a bit more and write about each element more and more so you all can take some tips. Please let me know what you think.

For today’s post – faux big lips. Unless you are unfortunate enough to have Kylie’s thin lips, I really don’t believe in fillers and botox, most things can be fixed or enhanced with makeup unless it is something you really feel will help your confidence and in that case, do you and make sure you got to a reputable beauty clinic.

Just remember to look after your skin, wear sunscreen, drink water.

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FAUX LIPS / Lips without fillers:

  1. I’ve used Huda Beauty Foundation #fauxfilter, a few shades lighter then my skin. I use this on my skin for contouring only as I feel her foundation is too heavy for a full face foundation. I’ve teamed it with Maybelline Fit Me foundation.
  2. Cover your whole lips and upper lip in either a concealer or a lighter shade foundation (I’ve used HudaBeauty).
  3. Taking a darker shade liner that you want to use on your lips… outline OUTSIDE your lips. I’ve used MAC brown lip liner.
  4. Fill your lips with a shade lighter, here I’ve used lip liner Smiling Kuwait brand.
  5. On the inside bottom and top sections of the lip fill with even lighter shade lipstick. Here I’ve used Sportsgirl Barely There ($10!)

 

The above formula works on any shade you want for your lips. I’ve used nudes and browns as I’ve kept my eyes very dark.

Bodysuit: Namshi 

 

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Don’t force it…

Don’t force it – the eyeliner, your makeup, the connection, the date, the second date – love. Don’t force situations… if it is meant to be, it will be.

This is easier said then done isn’t it but I wish I knew this last few years. I think I mentioned before the american I fell for  – I fell for him because of the unbelievable connection we had, for the words he was telling me, and I was getting swept up in the moment (fast). Then once you are in that moment – you start to force things. When you going to see each other next, the good morning texts, high expectations of your time together or how you going to look when you see each other.

He pulled away from me only a few months after we started seeing each other, to the point he was even seeing other women and retracted invitations he once gave me to join him on holiday, for me to visibly see he was spending it with someone else.

He hurt me, but to my own fault I should have just let the law of attraction take it’s course. I take responsibility for crying in front of him, for putting pressure on expectations and the future and assuming we were in a committed relationship.

Don’t force it. What will be, will be. When it is right you will know.

The difference between women and men, is we usually know quite quickly – we have strong instincts. I knew, but he didn’t. I should have let him find out and maybe he would have come back to me faster.  He did end up coming back to me – sitting in front of me saying he loved me.  He saw what life was like without me in it, and he appreciated his life with me in it, and now he can’t imagine life without me. (ok he didn’t say this but sometimes you got to believe it’s the things that go unsaid that mean the most)

So what is the issue with men and commitment or not knowing the rare diamond they see before them? Freedom. When I saw him pull away, I should have let him. Men are so so scared of losing their freedom when they meet someone or start to have feelings for someone then usually they do something to sabotage it.

So what’s freedom – well my messages asking how he was – stopped. He needed to see the difference in me caring about him and asking about him.

Messages stopped. Instagram posts stopped and I unfollowed him. If I got a message about meeting up, I would say I can’t afford to, I don’t have the money to come to see you anymore. If he tried to reconnect, I would always answer back but never continued the conversations.  No more goodnight, no more good mornings.

Whatever happens with anyone in my life, I will take this away with me – never force it, if they want you they will come get you, if it is meant to be it will be.

 

Dress: Fashion Nova 

Eyes: Too Faced chocolate eye shadow palette: Honey Dip & Butterscotch

Lips: MAC viva glam

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Looking good is no accident


Makeup Look:

Eyes- MAC organge eyeshadow, black liner

Lips: Huda Beauty Lip Kit pencil trophy wife with Sportsgirl Barely There lipstick

Face: MAC concealer, Fenty Beauty Foundation

I use to go to work looking basic at best. I hated my job and when mum saw me she was appalled and would say, you know if you put on some makeup and brush your hair you would already feel 100% better about going to work because you’d feel better in yourself.

This is absolutely correct. Now I wear heels to work, put a nice outfit together and do my makeup everyday. It’s not for anyone else – except myself.

When I go out – dates, friends, night out, I will always wear a lot more makeup as I just love the whole process of getting ready.

And then when you are looking good, you feel good. You walk through crowds with an air of added confidence. I like reading the signs of the guys I’m dating when we go out –  I find nothing sexier in a man who is confident when they are walking side by side with their girl. They don’t feel insecure because other men are looking at her, they feel confident and blessed that they are walking next to a woman that is turning heads – and I like that. A red flag is definitely men who don’t take it as a positive. Like the Part 1 story I wrote about – the date with Mr Grey. He was so offended and annoyed that a man at the restaurant did a double take on me and glared. I said “so why does that bother you? I’m with you – its not like he would come up to me”. He said “it’s disrespectful to me, I’m walking right next to you”. Not that I got even one compliment from Mr Grey anyway so the random strangers stare in the restaurant boosted my confidence for a minute. This was a red flag in my head as well – imagine a relationship with someone who gives you no compliments and is insecure picking fights when someone looks twice at you.

The american who I actually fell in love with (I wrote about in this article) he was the opposite. He loved walking next to me and seeing the looks I would get from men. Because with the attention from men, also came attention from women – all of a sudden we are an attractive couple walking through a hotel lobby and people stop to take notice. He was so proud that I was walking with him and in turn I felt more confident and loved walking with him. This is a man who appreciates the fact this woman has the attention of any man but she’s standing walking with him.

A lady gave me a compliment awhile ago when I was with someone who I wrote about here as well – she smiled and said wow you are so beautiful ‘ma’shallah’. My man turned to me with the largest smile on his face and said “see baby I tell you all the time you look beautiful”. Yeah mate you tell me cause you should tell me – but to hear it from a woman, and also in front of you… well that’s just made my day because only women know the true effort we go to look good – and it’s no accident.

Bodysuit: Namshi

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For the Gram

This is one disaster date that needs three parts. Key lessons I received from this date will stay with me forever, mostly because some incidences are scarred in my memory.

Firstly, this part is about how Instagram’s perception can really be what and who you attract positively or negatively.

Last year I mentioned before, I lost a lot of weight and really changed my body shape for the good. I was travelling more and visiting countries I wanted to get off my bucketlist (USA, Croatia, Canada). Sometimes my sister was with me to take all the photos, I was posting a lot, I was happy and in general I really was loving life and myself!

This particular guy – I’m going to call him Mr Grey for a number a reasons that I will get to. Mr Grey and I followed each other on Instagram for at least over a year. He posted a lot of adventure shots, very active, also liked to party, loved to travel and was from the states with what it seemed a great career and focus in life.

Date 1: I liked that he organized and planned the whole date. He suggested the places, sent me links and was all in all very well thought through plan. Little did I know his organization was actually Instagram obsession. He was only choosing these places because he wanted the ‘photo’ for Instagram. I found this out on the last location of the date.

He picked me up. Didn’t say you look nice, was awkward in the greeting and no eye contact whatsoever in the car. I will let this slide though he could be nervous. I was telling him over message that such a fancy restaurant I needed to work out an outfit (kind of hinting I was excited for the date). Towards the end of the night he actually mentioned “you wanted to pick a nice outfit but you end up wearing a sheet”. Eh what?! Red flag 1 – no compliments and on top of that actually putting me down in what I was wearing.

We spoke about a lot during our date, some of it was good but I couldn’t help but have weird feelings on some of our subjects. This is also a major thing to look out for – trust your intuition. If you aren’t feeling the vibe, wrap it up as soon as you can and go.

Towards the end of the date it was clear he was Instagram obsessed. Which is so off putting. He kind of had a few digs at me about my photos (so why are we meeting then?), and then preceded to show me a girl (Instagram model) who wanted him. He sat there on her account picking her to shreds, she’s not natural, this or that or this or that.

I don’t like putting down other women through Instagram. Mr Grey if you got so much of an issue with her fake body why are you following her?

He said to me “your Instagram is obvious you are thirsty for men” (he said something else but it’s pretty vulgar I don’t want to repeat it). I was like “what seriously mine?”

He tried to cover it up saying well your single for sure because no man would let their woman take pictures like that and if you and I were serious you would have to tone them down.

I said well you don’t realize why I put pictures up like that. I’m really proud of what I’ve accomplished and the purpose is to empower a positive body image for all women. Plus once I’m in a relationship, the only difference is my man would be in the pictures and taking the pictures! I’m still going to be in a bikini on the beach, but he’s going to be next to me.

I then realized even I had perceived him as someone he wasn’t – due to his Instagram. The guy from Instagram was fun, social, loved to travel and stay fit and active. The guy I met was socially awkward, quite disrespectful to women (that is in part 2), no real future plans and only did half of his life experiences for the gram! After this complete disaster date, he was even more pushy with his messages to me. I posted a really nice picture that my friend had taken of me professionally (he was practicing and also for his folio). I got a DM from Mr Grey…. “eh take this down”.

Sorry mate – my page. Not yours.

Anyway this was a long time ago. And it wasn’t even a part of the reason I deleted a lot of my Instagram pictures, because my answer still stands on that. But I also don’t want men I’m dating or just met to perceive me as something I’m not right now. My mindset this year has changed with who and what I want to attract this year – Read my most recent Instagram post @katyedxb for more on this, and for some extra positive happiness for a Tuesday.

You are attracting what you put out there… and for last year I was definitely attracting my share of men who wanted only what was on the gram.

 

Location: South Beach, Miami (isn’t this pink lifeguard tower to die for?)

Coverup/dress: Aussie label Talulah 

Full Piece Green Swimmers: H&M

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Choose kind over cool.

 

Yesterday I watched a new post by Matthew Hussey on first date tips: how to impress a guy on a first date. I like Matthew Hussey’s stuff. If you get over the sales pitch at the end of very video then all in all he’s great. I’ve read his books and at one point even subscribed to his (expensive) program.

In this dating tips video he explains how important it is to make a first impression and one of those tips is “be kind to those around you”.

Seems like common sense doesn’t it? I feel like I’m always friendly to hospitality staff, maybe because I use to be one – I’m not sure. But it costs nothing to smile, say please, thank you, ask someone where they are from (in Dubai this is a nice question to ask to make conversation with a stranger) or how there day is.

His dating tip reminded me of one of the most disastrous dates I’ve ever had, actually  so bad that I had chosen to erase it from my memory until I watched Matthew’s video yesterday.

Small Man Syndrome Date

In Dubai as we know, it’s all about showing off and even though I couldn’t care less, this guy insisted on meeting at Zuma. He greets me warmly, we order drinks and sushi but he is quite an intense person. Most of the conversation was about his ex girlfriend (red flag). I noticed in real life he looked way shorter then he did in his pictures. Insert: SMALL MAN SYNDROME  For the record – height doesn’t bother me like other women, but when they are egotistical, arrogant asses in order to substitute for their lack of height… well this bothers me. He started to get into a bit of a tantrum about the AC on him. Yep – The AC. He was flaring his arms and going up to the fan to try and turn it away, it was really causing a scene in a what is a very busy and sophisticated after work bar (well it is Zuma so come on little man you need to chill).

The waitress serves him the sushi then he starts yelling at her about the AC. I thought he was joking so I was kind of laughing it off until I realized he was deadly serious about this AC, she said she would go and find someone to move it away for him. She was lovely actually but he was getting more and more angry at HER about the damn AC.

She comes over and says “Sir it’s set to a particular temperature as it’s a large area we need to keep cool, if I can find you another seat I will move you straight away. How was your sushi?” 

He puts his hand in her face and says “stop talking and get away from me”. I said in front of her, come on don’t say that. She tried to keep reasoning with him, I think she really felt worried for her job as he is insisting on her to call for the manager. He still had his hand in her face, she looks at me with kind of desperate look about her and I shook my head (sort of a I don’t know him shake). She leaves and goes to get her manager. Poor girl.

He leaves in a tantrum and says I’m going to stand outside to warm up/take this phone call /whatever/who cares. I called her over and said – listen don’t even bother, he’s being a child and this has nothing to do with you, this is the first time I’m meeting him and the way he’s talking to you is unacceptable. I never want to see him again. It’s not your fault and I can talk to the manager if you like. She then said to me, “I’ve had the worst the day, he just added to my horrible day and I did just go and cry. Not about him but you know, just one of those days”. 

Man that upset me. This little man child tantrum thrower was so rude and obnoxious to this poor woman that whatever she was dealing with that day was so bad that he tipped it over the edge enough for her to cry.

I waited for him to get back and asked him why he took out his frustrations on this girl. Was it to impress me? Was it because of something else you were going through that day? Why would you think this behavior was okay? He kind of listened, apologized to me (not her) and we continued until he finished his damn sushi. He went on more about his ex girlfriend (yawn) and finally said he wanted to leave to check out a DJ he liked at a crap club up the road. I said, I’m okay I’m going to call it a night, thank you for the drink.

He offered to drop me home / at least in the area of his club, all the while saying ‘this isn’t my car by the way its a replacement as my BMW/AUDI/MERC (whatever the hell he’s pretending he was driving) was in the shop‘. I said It’s fine mate I have a Nissan“. 

Eh. Goodbye and good riddance weird little man. Makeup and outfit wasted.

The way people treat strangers, says so much for their character. This was to the extreme, but  if your date doesn’t say please, thank you and have basic manners – this is a massive red flag – and get out while you can. Also just be kind always – you don’t know what someone is going through and you being mean or rude could be the line that makes their day go from bad to worse. Don’t be that person 😦

IMG_5861

 

Peachy Keen Makeup: I love orange eyeshadow, here I’m using orange by MAC. The lipstick I chose a nude as I feel the orange makes my lips look smaller. Lashes and Black eyeliner. MAC blush in pink so it’s around the same colour tones.

organgemac

Top: Primark bodysuit

 

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Enhancing not changing (makeup & men) 

I’ve learnt the hard way, falling for words and sometimes actions, ambition (which is very important) without finding out their plan B if that ambition fails.

Don’t fall for the lust without interpreting the bigger picture of this man in front of you. You can’t change someone and as much as you love their ambition, how realistic will their dreams come to fruition and how much support (sometimes funding) from you is needed?

Don’t get me wrong you can invest and fall in love with a broke man that has ambition, goals and a very straight out plan to get there – maybe he’s studying, or investing in something new, an up and coming artist or he’s just starting his own business out and it will be a few years of struggling but with a wonderful outcome of reward and you’ve been standing next to him this whole time.

But it comes to a point now I’m filtering men, dates and potiental love interests so that I never waste my time (or money) again.

There is a difference between supporting and funding and enhancing but not changing. And I can’t take on any “projects” at this time in my life. I want to find my one, who we support one and other equally and set out plans together and have all that future in common with each other.

First: Makeup Enhancing not Changing

Simply lots of mascara, light shades on the eyes to appear brighter and bigger. This is pink shades from TooFaced Holiday Chocolate Shop Palette.  Huda Beauty Lip Kit – Trophy Wife

Top: Nike sold on Namshi


Back to this sorting through to find Mr Right: Be ambitious, have a plan, hey you can even be joke broke. But if I don’t believe in your goals and you’ve got no definite life plan to success –  then I can’t afford any money or energy on you while we date and fall in love. You can’t use me for a little bit of money here and there and get comfortable being with an independent woman who confuses supporting you with funding you. Cause as it’s happened before, while he’s struggling and you are supporting, he gets comfortable and then the timeframe of success slowly starts to go but for me – it’s too late I’ve fallen in love with him and his “future” dreams.

By the first date you can figure out all the above without getting to ahead of yourself. Think with your head before your heart. If this person needs changing and a lot of investment (time, energy, money) in order to grow and get to his goals – then he’s not the man for you.

Oh and buying me a drink doesn’t justify you get anything in return – kiss, going home with you, touching me, a second date, nothing. That’s another post though – if there is no chemistry then it’s ok to take the drink and say goodnight.

Bring something to the table or I’m very happy to eat alone.

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Dating in Dubai – Don’t waste my makeup!  

Another lesson I learnt from dating in Dubai and I guess this applies to any city in the world. You will always come across these men who don’t really make a plan, and then when they do it’s completely on their terms because they are “so much busier then you”. This situation I got myself in has helped me since to always make a date or plan on my terms or at least compromise on one aspect.

  
Feeling cozy and all latte in this look: Eyes: No fake eyelashes. Brown lids. Marc Jacobs brown gel eyeliner pen for eyebrows and some liner (mostly maybelline. Skin: NYX total control foundation. Benefit Hoola Bronzer.                                                 Lips: Toffee lip liner from Primark. NYX full throttle number 7 lipstick. Jacket from Forever 21.

So this date: Mr Busy – you know the type: his time is worth oh so much more then yours. His work is busier then yours and he’s the alpha male. What he says goes.

We had agreed on a day yet he asked me to join him the day before as well. I declined and said let’s stick to our original plan even though he was pushy about it.

He chose the place, the time and I got the feeling like he was rushing me. I even tried to explain I lived on the other side of town but there was no compromise there.

Let’s take a drink date as an example – it takes you one hour to get ready, give at least 30 minutes to get to this out of the way venue in at least a 20$ Taxi there and back. So you expect for this first time date and effort put in then you deserve a good few hours of getting to know this person.

No. As soon as I got there he rushed me into the bar, we sat down, rushed to get a drink – I knew something was up. Then he shows me his phone messages from his chairman (as proof I guess but also to make him look so important) that he was told to go there and meet him straight away.

I asked the questions: where is your office? Next door. Where is your house? Next door.

Me: I’m on the other side of town you should have cancelled on me. He said I couldn’t do that you were already on the way and we agreed Wednesday to do this date.

Me: I’m not unreasonable. I understand business and I also get the situation. I wish you let me know sooner I would have much rather made it another time when you aren’t in a rush, instead now we can’t even talk properly and it takes me a hour return to get here.

Damn I was so angry. Not even 40 mins later I’m back in a Taxi, peak hour traffic to my house. Makeup and whole look wasted! Don’t you hate that?

So the lesson from this date: compromise, let him be a man and choose the place but if you aren’t comfortable with the location, time, or any of that decision then you definitely should speak up. I would recommend that you choose the area/location and leave it up to them to narrow down a place they like.

Also don’t feel bad in saying no, picking a time and day that suits you. There is one thing I hate – it’s last minute invitations. And then they get annoyed when that’s the only day that suits them. I don’t know you. I’m not dropping my plans. Go find another girl that’s waiting around for a free dinner / drinks and would bend over backwards for a date with you. Plenty of them in Dubai by the way. So either plan properly, with compromise or move out of the way so I don’t waste my makeup.

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